I am a 30ish mother of two pre-school aged boys. I parent full time while my husband works hard for the money as a partner with one of the Big 4.

I did fairly well at school and university and always imagined myself in a career that actually pays a wage. Somehow I became a mother, a housewife, a cook, a wash-lady, a tidy-upper a cleaner (OK, an occasional cleaner).

I am a committed feminist; my political leanings are left; I am an atheist; I am concerned about the environment; I read the Listener, and women's mags make me nauseous; I don't bake; I am hopeless at arts and crafts.

Despite all this, or perhaps because some of it, I love my life at home, as a mum. I love my family. My boys are delightful, even if sometimes the three year old poos his pants, and the one year old is still waking in the night for a breastfeed. I love my husband, even if he regularly misses our wedding anniversary due to work commitments. He is there for his kids more than many fathers, he cooks, he cleans, he believes in equal partnership, and equal parenting, he accepts all my eccentricities, and puts up with me when I am bossy. Most importantly, he gets up with the kids most mornings while I sleep on.

But while I love being a mother and wife, I sometimes feel guilty about letting down the 13 year old girl who hoped to one day being a foreign correspondent, or diplomat. I feel guilty about letting down the teachers who had high hopes for me. I feel guilty about letting down my high school science teacher by never doing science or maths at university. I feel guilty about not educating myself so that I could make a worthwhile contribution to the planet (no offence to the Auckland University Political Studies Department intended). I had ability, and I probably wasted it.

So, I will continue on this road, perhaps somewhat selfishly. I will enjoy what this life has to offer me, and I will give all that I can to my family. I had a really, really, really crap mum and I am determined that I will be a great mum to my boys. So, while the planet may be a ball of dust in 50 years time, I hope that my boys will be equipped with good self-esteem, and life skills to muddle their way along in the meantime.

And perhaps by then I will have worked through my guilt issues ;-)